Transitioning: End of Training to Two Years in Cantera Boca.

Hey Everyone,

Sorry I´ve been MIA as of late. Swearing in is hurdling closer every day and the PC experience is quickly becoming real, maybe a little too real for comfort. On April 30 we swear-in in Asuncion and will then have our mini vacation one last time together as a big group before we all have to arrive at our assigned sites by May 4. Last week the reality of what it will really be like smacked me in the face on a visit to see my site and meet the community. I realized that a big part of what makes training enjoyable is the camp atmosphere of other Americans to hang out with after school and when I move into site I will most likely spend hours without talking. After 5 days of sitting with my contact and her family not being able to converse in Guarani, I started to wonder if it´s possible to forget the sound of one´s own voice.

Last Wednesday we received a packet of information on our sites and while I received more in the way of ammenities than I came to PC expecting (electricity, "running water", not what we think of as Americans, but crude setups with most families tapping into the water tank put their by the NGO or having a smaller tank on their property. While it may look pretty, the concern is that safety standards sometimes are overlooked from lack of understanding that each flush may actually be contaminating their water source if the waste isn´t contained properly, placed far away enough from the ground water source, etc. Furthermore, at the end of my next obligatory 3 month families stay (where it´s suggested I change families every 2 weeks to meet many families in the community and not create jealousy), I move into a more permamnent residence, that most likely won´t take advantage of the water (either renting a one room brick house, or building something with my settling in allowance. Imagine a brick storage unit with your bed, fridge and window.) Wow, that turned out to be a longer parethesis than I intended..) and I have an American within a half hour walking distance/ 10 minutes when I get issued my bike, which is asctually a lot closer than most people can say. I hadn´t factored in how much I´d come to rely on the other Americans and it´s kind of daunting to think of that support group being removed in two weeks. Also, we had a general site survey with 5 questions or so in the middle of training, but after hearing about some of ammenities and community resources other people have in their sites, proximities to other cities, and different natural beauty that can be found in Paraguay, I feel like I wasn´t really as informed as I could have been to give them more specific information. I feel like the needy hippie or something when I hear about people´s proximity to Aregentina or Encarnacion, the 3rd largest city in Paraguay, which offers lots of possibilities for fun and the comforts of home (restaurants, movies, night life). I keep reminding myself though that I knowingly signed up for rural health and that I came here to do a job, so when the time comes to plan my free time, a however many hour bus ride will just present more time to read and watch Paraguay roll by out the window.

Moving on, we had an encuentro, like a mini retreat, last Thursday and Friday, where our initial community contacts were invited to come and meet us. We attended workshops together so we could learn what their communities´ expecations are from us, and our contacts learned what are within reasonable possibilities our skills and projects can bring and what is simply beyond the realm of reason. My contact is actually my age and also has a soft spoken disposition like me, so I feel lucky that while I may not end up collaborating with other contacts, like school principals, presidents of women´s committees, etc. on projects, I have someone I can go to for cultural insight or advice. At the same time, after a few days I kind of found her to be overshadowing me, in that she was doing a lot of my delegating for me, which made me kind of leary, as I knew me, my projects, and my housing situation were being discussed, but couldn´t follow most of it in Guarani.I feel like maybe because she´s a first time contact, she hasn´t really established that she needs to be more of a guide in her community and let me find my own voice, but we have two years to establish some good working boundaries when I return on the 4th. I also try to remind myself that her coming and collecting me at the encuentro was a big step that many Paraguayans would never even consider: recognizing need in the community and taking initiative to improve that, being receptive to the idea of inviting and mentoring someone from a completely different culture, etc. Don Pedro said for many Senoras, it could have even been their first time leaving their community and traveling alone. I tried to be as friendly, interested, and outgoing as I could muster, but after a few days, we´d had our fair share of awkward silent conversations and suggestions that I go take a nap, as maybe she was exhausted from making concessions to include me. I took it as an opportunity to read some books, finishing Mitch Albom´s "Have a Little Faith" and starting "Shadow Divers," which I highly recommend to any of my fellow scuba diver friends. Awesome true account of these badass divers, their discovery of an unidentified U-Boat off the coast of NJ, and their ensuing obsession with it. Not only is the subject matter interesting, but the author does as awesome job realisitically conveying scuba culture. Anyways....

I also had somewhat of a bonding experience with my host mom yesterday, as I started telling her about my site and was suddenly and unexpectedly crying in front of her. She saw me fidgeting with the oven timer and pulling at my sleeves and could tell I was fighting back tears so she says (in all Spanish, obviously) "If you need to cry, cry. You came here to work with poor people, to live like them and the work will be hard. It´ll be hard to be lonely, but that´s why your host families are here to support you. You have to ask yourself, ´if previous PC people could come and do this work, why can´t I? I know you can do it. Be strong." She kissed my forehead and smoothed my hair back, which prompted more tears, as I was marveling at how 2 months prior, I didn´t know this women and I even shared the same planet and know she was giving me this very touching pep talk. I feel really blessed that I have such a supportive, loving host family to help me through this learning process and adaptation.


Doubts are really starting to creep in about my ability to learn and function in this new language, moreover how effective I can even be in imparting these skills and the education I´m expected to cover when I frequently and quickly become disconnected from entire conversations. After we switched teachers a few weeks back, I really didn´t (none of us didn´t, I found out later) mesh with the new teacher´s teaching style and we all pretty much got left in the dust and therefore discouraged. I feel bad talking negatively about her as she´s a very sweet woman who obviously is interested in our succeeding, but she was really lacking in her explanations. We didn´t even use much of the workbook those weeks. Anyways, we´ve switched again last week, but it´s rather a moot point with very few classes remaining. Time to get self motivated and study on my own in site, to search out that person who wants to have a Guarani-English exchange.

As a side note, I also received some bad news via email, which is never a pleasant method for receiving hard news, but with no other options right now...My granny had a stroke earlier last week and is in hospice care. At first the messages received made it sound pretty definite that she wouldn´t be making it through the week, but I just got off Skype with my mom and heard she has improved today, eating food and being able to talk again with the people there with her, so who knows. I had always feared that this would happen while I was away, and at her advanced age and failing health, seemed rather inevitable. I am thankful that she got to live such a long, full, blessed life and for the beautiful family that she made possible for all us. When I left her room that last night in Nashville, I pretty much felt that this very well could be the last time I saw her alive and with PC only covering flights for immediate family, might be. How much difference could my physical prescence there with her make? Some comfort for her, some closure for me, some consolation for my other family members that we could all be together. Either way, she will pass knowing how much I loved her and I will live on knowing that she loved me as much as a grandma could. "Love you Stephie Noelle, always have always will." Anyways, please keep my family in your thoughts and prayers during this trying time.

Sorry to end on a sad note, but so is the reality of life. Thank you all for the letters and cards I´ve received. Seeing a piece of mail waiting for me in my cubby on Wednesdays really is what keeps me going. I look forward to catching up with everyone more throughly in two weeks when I get issued a phone and hopefully, internet.

-Steph